the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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