I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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