Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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