This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize