WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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