God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
