she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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