that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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