her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my shit smells like andre
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
