I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
