Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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