So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.