His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap