My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA