my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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