so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
