I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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