Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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