Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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