No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sobbing to NWA
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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