Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
