Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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