epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
