That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
