I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
