ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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