He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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