no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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