Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize