I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
