what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can text with my tongue
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
