Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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