Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.