Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!