My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize