thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize