I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish I only lived at night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
