I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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