Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later