The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?