I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing