Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha