Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
