and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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