Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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