Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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