I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
