these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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