i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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