i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
