i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
