I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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