I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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