I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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