just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
