Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.