hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.