These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.