Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.